As Fall sets in, let’s talk about seasons. The winter holiday season, while a time for joy, can also be very challenging. People often approach seasonal change with a bundle of feelings which can be overwhelming to untangle. Participation can feel overwhelming, whereas not participating in the holiday season can bring up guilt and loneliness. These reasons can make it challenging to take part in the season’s festivities
- Overwhelming Interactions: Whether it is traumatic family memories, or just the louder and brighter environment, there is a more overwhelming feeling during the holiday season. Sometimes we are also forced to interact with people who were the cause of much strain and abuse (e.g., toxic family dynamics). This can trigger old patterns and send our nervous system into a frenzy, contributing to holiday anxiety.
- Difficult Remembrance: The New Year brings a time of reflection and memories of the past. While the intention is for change and growth, it can sometimes bring back previous trauma and strain. For some, memories of the holidays and family can be bittersweet.
- Finances Strain: There is a financial expectation to provide more during the holidays. Whether it is to host parties, buy gifts, meet family and friends, or participate in the festivities in any form.
- Exacerbated Loneliness: Some of us are far away from family and therefore can feel extra lonely over the holidays. Or maybe we’ve moved to a new city and don’t know anyone yet. This loneliness can also be exacerbated by already present feelings of detachment and isolation.
- Routine Disruption: All routines can be disrupted during this time. Our office or school schedules. Your home routines. The time we sleep and wake up, or even activities you take part in during warmer seasons. Preset coping strategies also get disrupted further impacting our ability to regulate the way we typically do.
- Substance Use Triggers: People struggling with substance use may find the normalized substance use during the holiday triggering. Navigating the social expectation to participate in these events without feeling isolated or targeted can be a challenge
So, what can we do during these holiday times?
- Establish a Routine: Create a holiday specific routine or ritual for yourself. It can be something simple or even elaborate. Maybe it is watching your favorite holiday or comfort movie. Or cooking your favorite meal. Pick something that gives you joy or comfort.
- Seek Safe People: Find people who are safe. Who you can be vulnerable around. People who are also feeling a bit of the holiday blues. Specifically, people who will respect your need for care and softness.
- Set Firm Boundaries: Set firm boundaries with family members, especially around triggers. You are in control of who you visit and what you do in those times. If you do not want to engage in substances, say it. If you need some space from the event, take it. Don’t be afraid to say no. Practice your boundary and setting it.
- Practice Acceptance: Acknowledge and honor how you feel. Name your feelings. Journal about them or talk to someone about them. Give yourself the grace to feel differently about holidays. Hold the grief and complexity gently. Remember that you never have to hold these emotions alone.
Importantly, talk to people who are safe and non-judgmental. People who are your found family. Talk to your pet. Regardless of how people are feeling about your needs, remember that you are the expert of your own life. You know what you can handle best. Your triggers and emotions are completely valid, do not let people emotionally blackmail you into feeling otherwise.
Written by: Kirthana Devarakonda
