In young and middle adulthood, society often hands us a script: build a career, find a partner, raise a family. Developmental psychology even maps it out – Erik Erikson’s theory describes these stages as ones of deepening intimacy and then “generativity”, or the drive to contribute to the next generation. For many, parenting is one way of fulfilling these milestones.
But what is parenthood isn’t part of your path – by choice or circumstance? Does that mean you miss out on meaning or legacy? Not at all. Parenthood is just one expression of care. There are many others that are equally valid and life-giving.
The Power of Chosen Family
Family isn’t only defined by bloodlines. Godparenthood, becoming a trusted “auntie” or “uncle”, or simply showing up consistently for a child in your community are all ways to create enduring bonds. Found family remembers us that love is not limited to one structure – it’s about presence, reliability, and care.
These roles bring the joy of celebrating milestones, offering guidance in tough times, and modeling what steady, compassionate adulthood looks like. For many people, they carry the same psychological rewards as parenting: belonging, intimacy, and purpose.
Mentorship and Generativity
Generativity – that heart of adulthood’s developmental task – is about giving back and guiding others. Mentorship is a powerful avenue here. Whether you support a younger colleague, coach a youth team, or volunteer with a local program, you are shaping the future. Research consistently shows mentorship improves well-being for both the mentor and mentee, creating a cycle of growth and connection.
Milestones Beyond Parenting
Even without raising children, adulthood is rich with milestones worth honoring:
- Deepening Relationships: Building chosen family and lifelong friendships.
- Career Growth & Mentorship: Reaching a place to share wisdom and support others.
- Community Engagement: Advocating, volunteering, or championing causes close to your values.
- Personal Development: Exploring passions, practicing self-compassion, and taking brave steps into new chapters.
Tips from a Therapist:
Here are some ways to nurture meaning and mental health outside of traditional parenting roles:
- Live Your Values. Identify what matters most – connection, creativity, justice, spirituality – and let that guide your commitments.
- Lean Into Rituals. Celebrate birthdays, graduations, and Taco Tuesday dinners. Rituals of belonging strengthen bonds and boost well-being.
- Honor Both Feelings. You can grieve the absence of parenting while still embracing joy in mentorship and community leadership. Both experiences are valid.
Reflective Journaling Prompts
- What legacy do I want to leave behind, and how can I begin shaping it now?
- Who are the people in my life – blood family or chosen family – who I want to nurture more intentionally?
- What values feel most alive for me right now, and where can I channel them?
- When I picture someone thanking me in 20 years, what do I hope they’ll say I gave them?
A Gentle Reminder
Parenthood is one of many ways to live a meaningful life, but it is not the only way. Whether through found family, mentorship, or community engagement, you have the ability to create a legacy of love and guidance. The world doesn’t just need parents – it needs mentors, friends, godparents, and chosen family members who show up with wisdom and care.
Written by: Gabby Hidalgo
