As summer comes to an end, families, teachers, and school communities are preparing for another school year. There are supplies to purchase, classrooms to prepare, schedules to organize, and routines to rebuild. While all of these things are important, going back to school can also be an emotional adjustment for children and adolescents.
For some young people, returning to school brings excitement and an opportunity to reconnect with friends and trusted adults. For others, a new school year may bring anxiety, uncertainty, frustration, or fear. New teachers, classmates, academic expectations, social pressures, and changes in routine can all affect how a young person experiences the beginning of the school year.
As parents, caregivers, teachers, and other adults supporting young people, we may not always know exactly what a child is experiencing. One thing we can do is remain curious about what their behavior may be communicating.
Looking Beyond the Behavior
Children and adolescents do not always have the words to explain what they are experiencing. Sometimes those experiences show up through their behavior instead.
A student who seems distracted may be feeling overwhelmed or anxious. A child who becomes frustrated when a routine changes may be having difficulty with the unpredictability of the situation. Another student may withdraw from peers or adults because they are unsure of how to navigate a new social environment.
It is important to remember that similar behaviors can have very different explanations. Anxiety, sensory needs, temperament, trauma, neurodevelopmental differences, family stress, cultural experiences, discrimination, and the school environment are just some of the factors that can influence how a child responds to a situation.
Rather than only asking, “How do we stop this behavior?” it may be helpful to also ask, “What might this behavior be communicating?”
This does not mean removing expectations or overlooking behaviors that need to be addressed. Children benefit from structure, consistency, and accountability. At the same time, accountability and understanding do not have to be opposites. We can maintain expectations while remaining curious about what may be making it difficult for a child to meet them.
Helping Children Build Skills That Work for Them
The beginning of the school year can also be an opportunity to help children strengthen emotional regulation and coping skills.
Emotional regulation is not about teaching children to avoid anger, anxiety, sadness, frustration, or other difficult emotions. These emotions are a normal part of life. Instead, we can help young people recognize what they are feeling, notice what is happening in their bodies, and identify healthy ways to move through those emotions when they become overwhelming.
It is also important to remember that coping skills are not one size fits all. A strategy that helps one child may not help another, and even a strategy that works for a child at home may not be realistic in the middle of a school day. Relaxation, movement, sensory activities, distraction, grounding, and opportunities to process emotions can all become part of a young person’s collection of coping strategies.
Instead of searching for the one coping skill that works, adults can help young people build a menu of options. A teacher might incorporate brief movement or regulation opportunities into the classroom. Parents and caregivers might create predictable morning and evening routines or help a child identify what helps them decompress after school. Counselors and other school professionals can work with students to identify strategies that are both helpful and realistic within the school environment.
The goal is not to eliminate difficult emotions. It is to help young people develop tools that allow them to experience those emotions without having to immediately escape or avoid them.
Creating Safety Through Relationships
Supporting children’s mental health is not the responsibility of one person. Parents, caregivers, teachers, counselors, clinicians, administrators, and other supportive adults each see different parts of a child’s experience. When these adults are able to communicate and collaborate appropriately, they can develop a more complete understanding of what a young person may need across home, school, and the community.
Sometimes, though, support begins with something even simpler: the relationship.
When a child is struggling, our first instinct may be to solve the problem, correct the behavior, or teach a new skill. There are also times when the most helpful first response is creating enough safety and connection for the child to engage with us.
This can mean paying attention not only to what a child is saying, but also to what we notice about their emotional state, energy level, sensory needs, and responses to the environment. There is no single response that will work for every child. Remaining curious about the individual young person in front of us can help us determine what support may be helpful in that moment.
For a teacher, that might mean checking in with a student who has suddenly become quiet or noticing that a usually engaged student seems overwhelmed.
For a parent or caregiver, it might mean giving a child some time to decompress after school before immediately asking about their day or homework.
For a counselor or other school professional, it might mean creating a space where a young person knows they can talk about what they are experiencing without immediately feeling judged or corrected.
These interactions may seem small, but over time they can communicate something incredibly important to a young person: You are seen, you are supported, and there are adults here who want to understand and help you succeed.
Starting the School Year Together
As we begin another school year, it can be easy to measure success through grades, attendance, completed assignments, and other visible accomplishments. Those things matter, but they are only one part of a young person’s experience at school.
Success can also look like asking for help when something feels overwhelming. It can look like trying again after making a mistake, learning how to work through frustration, connecting with a new peer, using a coping skill when anxiety shows up, or developing a relationship with a trusted adult.
Parents, caregivers, educators, and mental health professionals will not always have the perfect response, and young people will not always have the words to tell us exactly what they need. What we can continue to offer is curiosity, consistency, support, and connection.
As backpacks are packed, routines begin again, and classrooms reopen, the relationships we build with young people may be some of the most important things we bring into the new school year.
Written by Devanté Brown
