It’s that time of year again, back-to-school season! The smell of new crayons, the squeak of fresh sneakers, and the rush of checking off your supply list are in the air. But as we grab those notebooks and lunch boxes, there’s one thing that doesn’t make it onto the shopping list, our kids’ mental health.
While some children can’t wait to see their friends and jump into a new routine, others feel that familiar knot in their stomach as the first day gets closer. For some, the anxiety is about tests and homework. For others, it’s about something much harder to talk about, bullying.
Whether it’s a big worry or a subtle one, the stress of going back to school can take a toll. And as parents, it’s important we notice it, talk about it, and help our kids feel safe, confident, and heard.
Spotting the Signs: Anxiety and Bullying Don’t Always Look Obvious
Kids don’t always come right out and say, “I’m anxious about school,” and they definitely don’t always admit if they’re being bullied. Instead, it can show up in ways that are easy to miss:
- Headaches, stomachaches, or trouble sleeping – especially on school nights.
- Mood swings, irritability, or snapping at family members.
- Eating way more or way less than usual.
- Suddenly wanting to avoid school or even skip supply shopping.
- Younger kids becoming extra clingy or going back to old habits.
- Unexplained bruises, missing items, or ripped clothes.
- Avoiding certain friends, sitting alone at lunch, or withdrawing from activities they used to enjoy.
- A sudden drop in grades or interest in school.
When we notice these changes, it’s worth learning in and asking gentle questions, even if they don’t open up right away.
How to Start the Conversation
Talking about anxiety (or bullying) with kids can be tricky, especially if they’re embarrassed, scared, or afraid of making things worse. The key is to keep it open, safe, and without judgment.
Try asking:
- “What’s on your mind about school starting?”
- “What’s one thing you’re excited about and one thing that feels hard?”
- “Has anyone at school ever made you feel uncomfortable or unsafe?”
When they do share, validate their feelings:
- “It makes sense you’d feel that way.”
- “You’re not alone, a lot of kids feel nervous before school starts.”
If they hint at bullying, explain clearly what it is, repeated, unwanted aggressive behavior, and remind them it’s never their fault. Let them know you’ll take their concerns seriously and work together on a plan.
Easing the Back-to-School Jitters
A few small changes before and during the school year can help reduce anxiety:
- Start the school routine early. Shift bedtimes and wake-ups a week or two before the first day.
- Visit the school ahead of time. Walk the halls, find classrooms, and meet teachers if possible.
- Prep mornings the night before. Pack lunches, lay out clothes, and avoid the mad rush.
- Teach healthy coping skills. Deep breaths, journaling, or short breaks for movement.
- Focus on the positives. Favorite classes, clubs, sports, or seeing friends.
- Keep after-school check-ins light. Ask, “What’s one good thing and one tricky thing about today?” instead of the dreaded “How was school?”
If Your Child is Being Bullied: What to Do Next
Finding out your child is being bullied can spark a flood of emotions, anger, sadness, even guilt. But the most important thing is to respond in a way that makes them feel safe and supported.
Here’s how to help:
- Stay calm and listen. Let them talk without interrupting or reacting with anger (at least in front of them).
- Thank them for telling you. Speaking up takes courage. Let them know you’re proud of them.
- Write it down. Keep a record of what happened, where, when, and who was involved. Save texts, screenshots, or notes if there are any.
- Loop in the school. Contact the teacher, counselor, or principal. Ask for a clear plan and follow up regularly.
- Practice safety strategies. Role-play what to say, when to talk away, and who to go to for help.
- Build their confidence. Encourage activities they enjoy and feel good at – sports, art, music, or clubs can be an impactful counterbalance to the damage bullying can cause.
And remember, if the bullying is severe, persistent, or involves threats, it may be time to involve the school district or law enforcement.
Wishing everyone a safe and pleasant school year!
Written by: Sierra Gandy.
